can you taste the fear in her sweat

this really hurts too much i feel sick each time i breathe the pain flares. i guess i could change the song and try to smile i could draw i could refuse to let it take hold. i just want to be held i want to be held to feel safe to be kept held on. i want someone to hold me untill the pain stops and for it to hurt for them to see me in pain i am finding it harder to let go as each day passes the memories that had escaped the monotone yet neon glowing mind they were captured in. i cannot focus my vision to take hold or lift my feet to the next step
i miss lying on the hard scratchy floor content witht he world we had made. i miss the icy cold rain being repelled by the warmth of your hand i miss getting lost on your body blind to the world racing too fast around us causing the last moments to end sooner than you could hold my waist. i miss being engulfed in your arms when ever i coulf and also when i couldnt. i miss touching your hand as you cryed and your gratitude for my care. i miss laughing at your spectacles created for my entertainments. i miss my heartbeat racing as your testosterone took hold.

i cant take the way you left me i dont want to be lonly and feel empty i want to walk the street at night by your side with you smile
xo