yeah im faking night time <3
kasias 5 hours behind me
i wish i was because i could pick up all the pieces ive dropped and place them bakc surreptitiously before they mounted up and got too much to carry
yeah
you wrote the pretty words and together you put them to beautiful music, they equaint to more than just songs
i love you for it
will you hold my hand as i jump off this cliff?
xo
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
"spill my heart through this pen""my pen is the barrel of my gun"
i have spent so long escaping reality that when i have to come back to it its like going on holiday for months and coming back to your garden. it has grown without you and adapted so it doesnt need you anymore. i have spent too long concentrating on a few relationships and getting away from everything else that everything else i had held up has crumbled down and been rebuilt and made me redundant. once something[or someone] realises they are either better off without you or you are ineffective to their lives its harder to prove them wrong . you have to prove your way in again. you are alowed less mistakes and you have to work to get to a place that was natural before. all because you couldnt bear the stress and complication of keeping everything intact. there are very few things people actually need and they often can get it from somewhere else. you cant leave the world and then be able to squeeze your way bakc into the same tight hole[ gutter mind tut tut] you had yourself in before.everything is interconnecting. you fuck up your chances its hard to get back there. you have to rely on the care of the people you left. i have allowed someone back in because i cared and i desperatly wanted, needed to make them feel as okay as i could. i am desperate to make things as okay as possible untill the day one of us dies. i cannot predict that time and i want to make things perfect. but i am not naive enough to belive perfect exists. not to a dictionary definition anyway. i just hope karma exists and the same can come back to me maybe. just maybe. and maybe i dont want to grow up. maybe i dont want to make it to trust and love and hope. because maybe i want to be a poet. i cant have love and sympathy but maybe i can swith between, or maybe they are the same thing but coming from different places
i pray that everyone can have trust and love and hope and also care that comes from them all.
xo
i pray that everyone can have trust and love and hope and also care that comes from them all.
xo
Monday, May 28, 2007
from thee myspace tbh.. and from the mouths of others
i just had a near life experience...
"when we don't know who to hate, we hate ourselves"
"all god does is watch us and kill us when we get boring, we must never get boring"
"Don't do what you want. Do what you don't want. Do what you're trained not to want. Do the things that scare you the most. "
"Game shows are designed to make us feel better about the random, useless facts that are all we have left of our education."
"Hysteria is only possible with an audience."
"It happens fast for some people and slow for some, accidents or gravity, but we all end up mutilated."
"Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known."
"game shows, some people will take the trip to France, but most people will take the washer dryer pair."
"People are all over the world telling their one dramatic story and how their life has turned into getting over this one event. Now their lives are more about the past than their future."
"The best way is not to fight it, just go. Don't be trying all the time to fix things. What you run from only stays with you longer. When you fight something, you only make it stronger."
"The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person."
"The only reason why we ask other people how their weekend was is so we can tell them about our own weekend."
"When nobody will look at you, you can stare a hole in them. Picking out all the little details you'd never stare long enough to get if she'd ever just return your gaze, this, this is your revenge."
"When you understand that what you're telling is just a story. It isn't happening anymore. When you realize the story you're telling is just words, when you can just crumble it up and throw your past in the trashcan, then we'll figure out who you're going to be."
"Who you are moment to moment is just a story."
"Why is it you feel like a dope if you laugh alone, but that's usually how you end up crying?"
"Your birth is a mistake you'll spend your whole life trying to correct."
"Your parents, they give you your life, but then they try to give you their life."
.....................................................................................................................................................
"If you know me, you know how uncool I am. I stutter, wear bad clothes, make bad jokes, make conversation uncomfortable, the list goes on. Thank you for making me feel okay"
"My brain feels like it is on crutches. "
"The great thing about the UK is that in normal conversation you can say cunt and bollocks and noone will say anything "[sorry had to slip that one in]
"Know that not a day goes by that I don't hope you're feeling okay."
"If you aren't just a little bit depressed, then you aren't paying very much attention to what's going on in the world."
"When somebody hangs up on the phone when you're 2,000 miles away from them, you have no recourse. The only reaction there is, is a pen. There's nothing else that you can do."
"Your biggest fantasy is walking away from the life (they think) you lead."
"sometimes we get caught up in riding the moment, good or bad. mental health or our bodies. usually its never as bad as it seems in our own heads or in those seconds when it seems like noone else can empathize. but the truth is, as reluctant as we are to admit it- there are strains inside of us that make us exactly the same. together and alone all at once. crashing thoughts like chemistry. "
i was going to add more but i couldnt find too many more and its ahrder to find any other people and these two came to mind okay dont hit me xo
"when we don't know who to hate, we hate ourselves"
"all god does is watch us and kill us when we get boring, we must never get boring"
"Don't do what you want. Do what you don't want. Do what you're trained not to want. Do the things that scare you the most. "
"Game shows are designed to make us feel better about the random, useless facts that are all we have left of our education."
"Hysteria is only possible with an audience."
"It happens fast for some people and slow for some, accidents or gravity, but we all end up mutilated."
"Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known."
"game shows, some people will take the trip to France, but most people will take the washer dryer pair."
"People are all over the world telling their one dramatic story and how their life has turned into getting over this one event. Now their lives are more about the past than their future."
"The best way is not to fight it, just go. Don't be trying all the time to fix things. What you run from only stays with you longer. When you fight something, you only make it stronger."
"The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person."
"The only reason why we ask other people how their weekend was is so we can tell them about our own weekend."
"When nobody will look at you, you can stare a hole in them. Picking out all the little details you'd never stare long enough to get if she'd ever just return your gaze, this, this is your revenge."
"When you understand that what you're telling is just a story. It isn't happening anymore. When you realize the story you're telling is just words, when you can just crumble it up and throw your past in the trashcan, then we'll figure out who you're going to be."
"Who you are moment to moment is just a story."
"Why is it you feel like a dope if you laugh alone, but that's usually how you end up crying?"
"Your birth is a mistake you'll spend your whole life trying to correct."
"Your parents, they give you your life, but then they try to give you their life."
.....................................................................................................................................................
"If you know me, you know how uncool I am. I stutter, wear bad clothes, make bad jokes, make conversation uncomfortable, the list goes on. Thank you for making me feel okay"
"My brain feels like it is on crutches. "
"The great thing about the UK is that in normal conversation you can say cunt and bollocks and noone will say anything "[sorry had to slip that one in]
"Know that not a day goes by that I don't hope you're feeling okay."
"If you aren't just a little bit depressed, then you aren't paying very much attention to what's going on in the world."
"When somebody hangs up on the phone when you're 2,000 miles away from them, you have no recourse. The only reaction there is, is a pen. There's nothing else that you can do."
"Your biggest fantasy is walking away from the life (they think) you lead."
"sometimes we get caught up in riding the moment, good or bad. mental health or our bodies. usually its never as bad as it seems in our own heads or in those seconds when it seems like noone else can empathize. but the truth is, as reluctant as we are to admit it- there are strains inside of us that make us exactly the same. together and alone all at once. crashing thoughts like chemistry. "
i was going to add more but i couldnt find too many more and its ahrder to find any other people and these two came to mind okay dont hit me xo
last night<3
You are the sun, I am the moon, and I can only reflect whatever light you give me. If you are dark I’m dark. You control the way my fingers race over the lettered keys. Your anger radiates and we flow it back and forth until the friction creates enough heat to melt the fuse and your one liners are probably second-hand but you serenade me with promises of connection and affection, you point out our history unceremoniously as a Russian child would rip a ration card out from their parents pocked at Stalingrad. I secretly plead that my words pull some strings ad more than just unthought out words are thrown back as I resist from sending, which has more magnitude than the planned cause and effect truth my imagination conjures. Even when your words aren’t accurate they fill me with a desire to make dints and purple marks as strong as my desire to touch you. The pictures and posters that contrast my plain walls aren’t of your face. A single image is saved on my computer. A complex arrangement of light. A code that leaves trails on my face like slugs to carrots tears to gravity. A mechanical formation of emotionless symbols constructs memories. Nothing I can touch, nothing I can hold in my hands in the moment. And I want to walk into a darkened alley at this moment in the night and get someone to fire a gun anything to make you share the restless nights of anxiety and eventually dream in Atavan Havan. For you to hope your face is the first I see life returns to my salvaged body. For you to have the shock of maybe loosing something valuable, because my care means that I cant turn around without saying goodbye or even fire my own gun.
Monday, May 21, 2007
shoot my in the fucking face
i have memories of things flashing around me, but its like watching a movie but with the feelings implanted inside me.
i hate myself and i dont feel safe about it, i havnt had it long enough to get used to it
shoot me in the fucking face
xo
i hate myself and i dont feel safe about it, i havnt had it long enough to get used to it
shoot me in the fucking face
xo
from my myspace tbh
don't ever bring her downor let anyone hurt her, even if you could hurt her worsedon't try to crush him because he cut of your blood supplyyou've been hurt,so stop fucking around with peopletell everyone you meet about the person who'd do anything for yoube genuine but not in a fake waydont say you dont follow a crowd just because you arn't with a popular crewdon't stop untill you've got it rightyou dont need loveits just another rope to hang ontodon't stop doing something thats making you laugh just because someones staring at youdon't stare at someone unless they are trying to grab attentionattention seeking isn't always bad, they might not be getting it from anywhere elsetheres always something/someone worse than youthats a good and a bad thingdon't feel guilty unless you've hurt someonedon't say i love you unless you dobecause when you mean it, it will have lost its depthuse metaphorsuse similiesdon't stop at something because you aren't the best at itor no-one else does it
this sounds like im trying to give people answers like im tryign to preech some word because i know everythingwell i don'ti want people to know anything i might have found useful even if they don't careif someone teaches me something that gets me through an hour i will pass it one to someone elseand i hope that if everyone gives that moment backeveryone will be sat outside of the lake instead of struggling to lkeep there heads floating above it
oh and if a man stops you in the street dont just nod and wait to walk away argue back =]
xo
this sounds like im trying to give people answers like im tryign to preech some word because i know everythingwell i don'ti want people to know anything i might have found useful even if they don't careif someone teaches me something that gets me through an hour i will pass it one to someone elseand i hope that if everyone gives that moment backeveryone will be sat outside of the lake instead of struggling to lkeep there heads floating above it
oh and if a man stops you in the street dont just nod and wait to walk away argue back =]
xo
theres grey rain on my head where it should be clear
you sit across the room, my eyes are blurring as they set on you. you cant suck up the tears but i can stop myself from crying too much. i have built a skill of holding back tears, and smiling when i'm about to be sick. the constant feeling i can control but when something happens quickly all of a sudden then its obvious to the outsiders, i can keep things hidden as i am used to it and i haver plenty of practise but this is new it comes up and shocks me and i cant control it ... but maybe im trying to be open. your everything i want to be and everything i want you to be .. i need to save you just so i cant hopfull save myself ... your beauty is most present in the moonlight in the time when everyone feels the most. the time when i cant hide the moonlight is dim yet it shows every scar of my life. the icy wind sweeps over everyones bodies and vacumes all moisture and warmth from anything that should contain it ... and therefor it all cracks, freethaw, your heart breaks..your lungs fill with the water it has collected and you feel like there is no chance of breathing if you fall alseep. but your tiredness doesnt overcome you anxiety, your feelings you stay awake untill you force yourself to sleep and sometimes you will wake up earlier than necassary but when your asleep its the time when your in complete bliss .. what i imagine is the bussist idea of nirvana and it is truly blissful it is the closest thing i can compare to death, when you are completly vacant no dreams troubling your thoughts just pure nothingness tell me this isnt nirvana, tell me this isnt the ultimate dream... yet why dont i try to spend more time sleeping.. because i cant control my dreams i cant control the knives that fly but i know i will wake up in the end ... my heaven broken i have to tear myself away. and when there is nothing left to feel there is nothing left to write ... there is nothing left to draw there is an end to any talents i currently enjoy possesing my frustration the thing that keeps me away my pain at the way things currently are. and to my window i see a white sky wherre i wish it was blue or black.. white the inbetween shade that is good for nothing. the trees arnt brightened yet they arnt contrastingly darkened they are cast with grey cloudy shadows. nothing is dramatic not a bright light white screaming hallelujah or a cold and broken black storm. the white sky si blidning and messing my mind that can not register the way it makes me think or feel its topo wide for my nerves to send messages to my brain and my pupils dialate trying to focus. and why am i holding onto to somethign ivisible when i cant see it to see if its holding onto me. and why if god lvoes us all and wnats relationships with us all why cant he enlighten me or even guide me to where eer im suppose to be ghoing or whatever im meant to be feeling. fuck free will it leads us to sucide and wars and general suffering if god loved me he would help me somehow and i know my sufferings minute compared to alot of people but id suffer if i knew why and what and how and everything about the suffering its just all a big browny green messy blob with nothing to direct me out of it.
why is 1993 old in croation money terms ?
answer me someone
then i will belive in you
liek i belive in alot of people
that belief is more valuable than most things i can give
someone giveme every single answer i need and i will called you god
and it wont be blasphemous
xo
why is 1993 old in croation money terms ?
answer me someone
then i will belive in you
liek i belive in alot of people
that belief is more valuable than most things i can give
someone giveme every single answer i need and i will called you god
and it wont be blasphemous
xo
days when we still felt alive
i couldnt wait to get outside
i wnated to go outside today
but that killed me
i dont feel safe being okay
i need someone to hold my hand to be honest
now i feel sick and maybe i didnt offset it forever
and then ill wish i was okay
i forget too easy =[
xo
i wnated to go outside today
but that killed me
i dont feel safe being okay
i need someone to hold my hand to be honest
now i feel sick and maybe i didnt offset it forever
and then ill wish i was okay
i forget too easy =[
xo
you should try to take a shot cant you see my walls are crumblingxo
why can't i come to terms with what ever im feeling?
why does it make me sick that i don't feel something?
why am i not happy that i don't feel like i can't take it?
i guess i want to feel something, if i cant feel elation ?
maybe im bored of being okay, after doing nothing i have forgot how to create excitment?
why cant i go back to what im used to?
why cant i be okay about being okay?
ooo fuck fuck fuck
i want to feel some feeling that isnt worry and confusion as you walk across the room towards me
i want to only see you when i walk into the room
i want to save you
ifuckingloveyoutrueblue
you:(
heartbreakeryoufuckedme=[
xo
why does it make me sick that i don't feel something?
why am i not happy that i don't feel like i can't take it?
i guess i want to feel something, if i cant feel elation ?
maybe im bored of being okay, after doing nothing i have forgot how to create excitment?
why cant i go back to what im used to?
why cant i be okay about being okay?
ooo fuck fuck fuck
i want to feel some feeling that isnt worry and confusion as you walk across the room towards me
i want to only see you when i walk into the room
i want to save you
ifuckingloveyoutrueblue
you:(
heartbreakeryoufuckedme=[
xo
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
I'm tired of being all alone...
i see you lie complacently across his legs, only metres away from me. what I'd give to lift your thoguhts from your head. i dont care how you use me, ill deal with all your problems id do anything you wanted, for you i am vunerable. i am the girl who would do anything for you. yet im not naive i am just underloved.i strayed from the path of true love many years ago. id be there when youre sick when youre angry when youre devestated. i was made to get my heartbroken by people who dont even know my name . i cant end this circle each fascination weakens my walls and makes me suseptable to anyone who want to break the huge glass heart that lies underneath my crumbling ribcage. everytime im knocked to the ground i am weakend yet nothing strenghens me apart from the feeling that its going to go wrong. i guess i am just wrong in a wrong world
Saturday, May 12, 2007
i am...
i am a sucker for a sweet talker:
that doesn't mean cheesy chat up lines,
it means heartfelt lyricaly beautiful words
i don't care if you're a loner:
that doesn't mean your popular in'the scene'
i mean shy boy with a beautiful smile and shining eyes
thats my preference
i want to hang on your words:
that doesn't mean you can tell all your friends you've got your gun to my head
it means you make me step over the edge
but you pull me back with your voice as well
i want you to be a hot guitarist lyricist writer artist backing vocals maybe:
this does not mean you should be a poser
i want you to be genuine
id sacrifice the hotness for alot =]
i want you to be different:
this does not mean from the in crowd
if you follow a scene in the same way its just as bad?
i want you to surprise me
i want to love you:
this doesn't mean i want to be completly happy
i want to be loved by you too
i want to cry cause i haven't talked to you today
iwant to talk to you untill i feel sick through lack of sleep
i want you to be with me all the time
i want to only see you...and the other way round
i want to feel safe
i want to wake up and cry cause your not there
i want you to step in and wipe those tears
yeah im suck a sucker for this guy
oh and acoustic guitars =]
that doesn't mean cheesy chat up lines,
it means heartfelt lyricaly beautiful words
i don't care if you're a loner:
that doesn't mean your popular in'the scene'
i mean shy boy with a beautiful smile and shining eyes
thats my preference
i want to hang on your words:
that doesn't mean you can tell all your friends you've got your gun to my head
it means you make me step over the edge
but you pull me back with your voice as well
i want you to be a hot guitarist lyricist writer artist backing vocals maybe:
this does not mean you should be a poser
i want you to be genuine
id sacrifice the hotness for alot =]
i want you to be different:
this does not mean from the in crowd
if you follow a scene in the same way its just as bad?
i want you to surprise me
i want to love you:
this doesn't mean i want to be completly happy
i want to be loved by you too
i want to cry cause i haven't talked to you today
iwant to talk to you untill i feel sick through lack of sleep
i want you to be with me all the time
i want to only see you...and the other way round
i want to feel safe
i want to wake up and cry cause your not there
i want you to step in and wipe those tears
yeah im suck a sucker for this guy
oh and acoustic guitars =]
Thursday, May 10, 2007
love.
i am surrounded by love. broken love messy love. all of it flawed but it make me cry. i hear the stories and even fix some. but all i have is a faded tale i just cant bring myself to let go of yet and a lot of empathy and jealousy
ifuckingneedlove
now
xo
**edit**
my eyes shine brighter than the moon and streetlights outside
not with happyness
with the tears of emptyness when the one i love is scared to make a leap with one of my best friends but i just say' please do it don't be scared'
xo
ifuckingneedlove
now
xo
**edit**
my eyes shine brighter than the moon and streetlights outside
not with happyness
with the tears of emptyness when the one i love is scared to make a leap with one of my best friends but i just say' please do it don't be scared'
xo
rain is romantic cause i makes you look the same as after sex...wet (y)
I have to slid across wooden floor in socks, it is the only way to travel my friends and i do better things than anyone i know we are cool in our own *why are they looking at us* way i am eating real/fake fruit right now i have conversations about pictures watching me eat cookie dough ice cream i have broken a sleeping bag by sliding down stairs in it i have eaten jelly made with water AND MILK(y) i have had vicks squirted up my nose as i drifted off to sleep in maths i have talked to my friend at 5 o'clock whilst she slept...no she was sleep talking[is that the right term] i have done the charleston in front of all hall full of people i have wrote songs about toenails with my best friend i have found the cheapest thing in the largest aldi store in the world!! i have pretty much been told to stop saying inappropriate things in posh restaraunts only different words i have said i love you too many times [ I've only said it once] i have danced in the rain, held hands in the rain , ran in the rain , and been in love in the rain i know what the charlie brown is xo=]
and the tear in your eye
someone put his words as blatent as 'he loves her' confirming the facts i already knew but was choosing to refuse to admit. somehow that you love me. thats the lie id prefer to belive when the truth hurts more than anything shes doing to you. you tell me how your hearts breaking because your in love when it kills me slowly to know you never loved me
she loves you
your in love with her
fix things it will break me quicker
this way i can pretend its not real
id dont want to live the lie
and thats the truth
the love songs bring tears to my eyes brake me
=[
<3
she loves you
your in love with her
fix things it will break me quicker
this way i can pretend its not real
id dont want to live the lie
and thats the truth
the love songs bring tears to my eyes brake me
=[
<3
you expect more of me than you do of her<3
the worst thing we can imagine will make us strongest
the shittier our lives are the longer we will live
go cold turkey on beauty and cure your depth issues
shoot yourself in the fucking face and you wont be a whore
as i bleed to death on the floor you will step back from the blood however you love me
with that same blood write your goodbye notes, write you love me, write you hate me, it will only hurt for 5 minutes, it will be less painfull than the ambiguity i live in now
ifuckingwantyoubutiminvisible
xo
*edit*
maybe this is an answer to the flaw of the all loving god issue
i think not tbh though
true christians rip apart the religion to shreds and then their faith keeps them beliving
true fans do the same
and lovers
thats why i do it maybe lets go out in the rain where we can be alone
the shittier our lives are the longer we will live
go cold turkey on beauty and cure your depth issues
shoot yourself in the fucking face and you wont be a whore
as i bleed to death on the floor you will step back from the blood however you love me
with that same blood write your goodbye notes, write you love me, write you hate me, it will only hurt for 5 minutes, it will be less painfull than the ambiguity i live in now
ifuckingwantyoubutiminvisible
xo
*edit*
maybe this is an answer to the flaw of the all loving god issue
i think not tbh though
true christians rip apart the religion to shreds and then their faith keeps them beliving
true fans do the same
and lovers
thats why i do it maybe lets go out in the rain where we can be alone
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
belive in me as i belive in you tonight
my words aren't going to be the thing that tips you off of that window panes...but they wont bring you a step back from it either... i guess thats whats reserved for only her.
the thing that would push me over the edge
cause your the one who brings me a step back
realy
trust me
nothing perfect and it never will be
but combinations of things make the probabilty stronger
and your the closest I've ever got
i care about you enough to waste my time writing tear shattered words to empty spaces, where friends would read and sigh the friends don't know
anyone i care about enough to waste my time with, I've probably wasted my time writing about you
and the endless emotion i burned on a page or a screen in ink or light, in a book or a file
my heart holds you next to the words
the fears i can not contain to dream of you reaching you hand out
for me to refuse your grasp
to see you forgetting her and rememebering you
the feelings never die they live like a refueling fire
sparks and smoke
ifuckingneedyouasiloveyou
xo
the thing that would push me over the edge
cause your the one who brings me a step back
realy
trust me
nothing perfect and it never will be
but combinations of things make the probabilty stronger
and your the closest I've ever got
i care about you enough to waste my time writing tear shattered words to empty spaces, where friends would read and sigh the friends don't know
anyone i care about enough to waste my time with, I've probably wasted my time writing about you
and the endless emotion i burned on a page or a screen in ink or light, in a book or a file
my heart holds you next to the words
the fears i can not contain to dream of you reaching you hand out
for me to refuse your grasp
to see you forgetting her and rememebering you
the feelings never die they live like a refueling fire
sparks and smoke
ifuckingneedyouasiloveyou
xo
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
the world is a vampire
The world is fucked i mean everything is so flawed. you look at absolutly everything and there is some imperfection. whether its abuse, drugs, mentaly ill people, starving kids, war, injustice or murder. i kind of feel like i dont want to be a part of it. its so strange you do your best to seperate yourself from it but you cant and i fear perfection even though its what i aim for and i keep running but i cant escape it cause its not where i am its the whole world. the theory of design is a fucking insult. everthing carries too much weight. every corner slows us down. we wont be free. we just need to make ourself as strong as we can so we can build a wall against what ever the world throws us.
change my mind please?
i guess perfection doesnt exist its like infinity we have no example of it its just a concept, a theory. you just have to get as close with the right people as possible
xo
change my mind please?
i guess perfection doesnt exist its like infinity we have no example of it its just a concept, a theory. you just have to get as close with the right people as possible
xo
Monday, May 07, 2007
james's song <3
he tumbles in from suffering
and runs up the stairs
he doesn't care to stop the tears
hes all the space in my mind
and he ignores that we are crying
crying cause for him we care
the small circle cross their fingers
and clutch hands, eyes to the sky
he gulps down the liquor
shutting out the pain and decay
the wall he planned to jump off
has crumbled down to the floor
the music radiates love and hate
he says he can't take her name
and strips off layers of clothes
as he strips his insides
hes slipping out of her heart
slicing his old memories
he says " all ive got is this shot
of brandy and one bullet to fire"
he pulled his gun on our hearts
has a glass bottle to save himself
nobody notices his covers and scars
apart from the girls he thinks
have forgot his watchful eye
he wants to play his guitar
strum the right cords for the world
the present is cutting off the
bloody supply to his future
and runs up the stairs
he doesn't care to stop the tears
hes all the space in my mind
and he ignores that we are crying
crying cause for him we care
the small circle cross their fingers
and clutch hands, eyes to the sky
he gulps down the liquor
shutting out the pain and decay
the wall he planned to jump off
has crumbled down to the floor
the music radiates love and hate
he says he can't take her name
and strips off layers of clothes
as he strips his insides
hes slipping out of her heart
slicing his old memories
he says " all ive got is this shot
of brandy and one bullet to fire"
he pulled his gun on our hearts
has a glass bottle to save himself
nobody notices his covers and scars
apart from the girls he thinks
have forgot his watchful eye
he wants to play his guitar
strum the right cords for the world
the present is cutting off the
bloody supply to his future
Sunday, May 06, 2007
=[ <3
im diving into this head first with my hands tied behind my back the excitment is offset by the sickening anxiety. im scared and finding myself viewing the same old webcam with the old pictures i see your smiles and it numbs my insides for a night
it stops my head from spinning just to spend a night talking to you
i want to see everything and look through the magenta lense but the fear makes me throw it all up
=[
i need the only thing thats familiar and makes me smile
you
xo
it stops my head from spinning just to spend a night talking to you
i want to see everything and look through the magenta lense but the fear makes me throw it all up
=[
i need the only thing thats familiar and makes me smile
you
xo
light that smoke
as i drove past a field filled with masses of tiny yellow flowers you sprung into my mind and haunted it for the 1 and a half hours back home. thoughts of the way you your writing and things used to be flashed on the back of a black canvas like a movie projection screen for home videos where is lightly fuzzy and pixelated [ my mind]the new generation of you filled my ears and i tryed to untangle the plated weaving strings of words that create that unique feeling which battles in harmony against the many diverse tunes
never fucking leave me
infinity on high =]
xo
never fucking leave me
infinity on high =]
xo
Friday, May 04, 2007
this is how you remind me
At home Drawing pictures Of mountain tops With him on top Lemon yellow sun Arms raised in a V Dead lay in pools of maroon below Daddy didn't give attention To the fact that mommy didn't care King Jeremy the wicked Ruled his world Jeremy spoke in class today Jeremy spoke in class today Clearly I remember Pickin' on the boy Seemed a harmless little fuck But we unleashed a lion Gnashed his teeth And bit the recessed lady's breast How could i forget He hit me with a surprise left My jaw left hurtin Dropped wide open Just like the day Like the day i heard Daddy didn't give affection And the boy was something mommy wouldn't wear King jeremy the wicked Ruled his world Jeremy spoke in class today Jeremy spoke in class today Try to forget this... Try to erase this... From the blackboard.
Come as you are as you were as I want you to be as a friend as a friend as an old enemy take your time hurry up the choice is your don't be late take a rest as a friend as an old memoria memoria memoria memoria come dowsed in mud soaked in bleach as I want you to be as a trend as a friend as an old memoria memoria memoria memoria and I swear that I don't have a gun no I don't have a gun no I don't have a gun memoria memoria memoria {don't have a gun and I swear that I don't have a gun no I don't have a gun no I don't have a gun no I don't have a gun memoria memoria
these words remind me off you, and they always will and of the words you spoke last night as i clutched my pillow and the contusions developed from the fear you put into my eyes. these words will remind me off you even thought you didnt want them too.everytime i hear those words ill think of you
xo
Come as you are as you were as I want you to be as a friend as a friend as an old enemy take your time hurry up the choice is your don't be late take a rest as a friend as an old memoria memoria memoria memoria come dowsed in mud soaked in bleach as I want you to be as a trend as a friend as an old memoria memoria memoria memoria and I swear that I don't have a gun no I don't have a gun no I don't have a gun memoria memoria memoria {don't have a gun and I swear that I don't have a gun no I don't have a gun no I don't have a gun no I don't have a gun memoria memoria
these words remind me off you, and they always will and of the words you spoke last night as i clutched my pillow and the contusions developed from the fear you put into my eyes. these words will remind me off you even thought you didnt want them too.everytime i hear those words ill think of you
xo
Thursday, May 03, 2007
=[
i'm so scared...to the person whos causing the fear..iloveyousoomuch i fucking care about you "i wish you would step back from that ledge my friend" ... please dont run away now that you need me the most dont pull your face away when i could wipe your tears...dont close yourself when your most wounded dont leave me
i fucking need you to do this for one night for me
xo
i fucking need you to do this for one night for me
xo
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
is she even here today ? <3
you make me feel liek a small irritating child doing anything saying anything pleading for your attention desperate for a reactioon a nod of approval
this means i look up to you if i dont give i fuck ill throw my words which ever way the wind goes... ill construct a viel of a watered down or saturated version of what i realy am. ill be bold and not give a shite about what your response is.
ill argue with you and then say i care and would stay awake with you all night if i hate you but still lvoe you... hes knows who he is
we hang on everyword he says
tokyo laundry go to one of their gigs youll be forced to smile
this means i look up to you if i dont give i fuck ill throw my words which ever way the wind goes... ill construct a viel of a watered down or saturated version of what i realy am. ill be bold and not give a shite about what your response is.
ill argue with you and then say i care and would stay awake with you all night if i hate you but still lvoe you... hes knows who he is
we hang on everyword he says
tokyo laundry go to one of their gigs youll be forced to smile
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
the same place i sat with you drink for drink
how can i appologise for something i did not create or intend but i regret and i am sorry. how can i save someone who is too far over my head and complex for me to understand and take over. how can i detatch myself from something that doesnt touch me but controls my growing smile and my sickened breath. how can i take the steering wheel of my life when i dont comprehend my heart and head. i pray life is like a complex song where the lyrics click weeks months or years after.
how do you open your eyes when your favorite time has passed and there is nothing to motivate your body to rise. you have hope. you dont have answers you just trust life will turn around and you will find motivation. you have hope and belief
"you" wipe my tears and tell me all these things are okay, its why i arrived yet you lied it was a contradiction. you led. i am not angry . just lost. i need you to give it a meaning. to you and only you. i am waiting i am waiting for the blindfold. i dont care what i miss. i care that your guiding me i care that you exist. jump bakc to " give it a meaning". your words ended up empty you arent here to help me now and i wonder if you care about the marks this pen is making
the worst place to be is on the line between making it and falling apart. its so easy to tip the scale the wrong way yet your trying hard to tip it the other way you can slip and fall away hvaing thrown it away
xo
how do you open your eyes when your favorite time has passed and there is nothing to motivate your body to rise. you have hope. you dont have answers you just trust life will turn around and you will find motivation. you have hope and belief
"you" wipe my tears and tell me all these things are okay, its why i arrived yet you lied it was a contradiction. you led. i am not angry . just lost. i need you to give it a meaning. to you and only you. i am waiting i am waiting for the blindfold. i dont care what i miss. i care that your guiding me i care that you exist. jump bakc to " give it a meaning". your words ended up empty you arent here to help me now and i wonder if you care about the marks this pen is making
the worst place to be is on the line between making it and falling apart. its so easy to tip the scale the wrong way yet your trying hard to tip it the other way you can slip and fall away hvaing thrown it away
xo
its so hard to keep faith in the only place i can trust when the risky sources are providing more than you. its hard to look at the evidence and form a smile on my face, when everythings contradicting and your not here to see it. i dont want the feelings i want what i dont have. im looking for new pathways but i havnt got any shovels out.
imagine you are sat on a plane seat. your flying over the lights of the destination. each glittering light has a mind behind it. you do not exist to those minds. you are the unknown just another body without a personality. then you move your view to the person sat next to you. a family member, a friend, a lover [ you are not alone]. you have affected or changed something with them. to them you are alive. you arnt just a percentage or a number or a faceless body. now imagine aagain if every mind in the world say everyone as lights. in times of darkness there was 60 billion glowing lights out there. the oposite of " invisivle monsters". now finaly imagine you look across to the person sitting behind you. you extend your hand and consequently give yourself a face and remove a viel forever., so why do our hands stay firmly pressed against our sides. maybe we dont want to disapoint or let another person down, maybe we fear their arm wont rise. maybe we enjoy the fact those tiny lights have no faces we can act liuke they are just lights we dont have to share the burden of what ever decays their insides. maybe we find comfort in the fact we have no identity to soo mnay people. 60 billion lights we just wont let them guide us.
we are happy and saved for you to write poetry of heartbrake and disaster yet are outraged at moments and pictures of hope + love. shouldnt this give us hope and love?
" and when the sky is falling dont look outside the window"
xo
imagine you are sat on a plane seat. your flying over the lights of the destination. each glittering light has a mind behind it. you do not exist to those minds. you are the unknown just another body without a personality. then you move your view to the person sat next to you. a family member, a friend, a lover [ you are not alone]. you have affected or changed something with them. to them you are alive. you arnt just a percentage or a number or a faceless body. now imagine aagain if every mind in the world say everyone as lights. in times of darkness there was 60 billion glowing lights out there. the oposite of " invisivle monsters". now finaly imagine you look across to the person sitting behind you. you extend your hand and consequently give yourself a face and remove a viel forever., so why do our hands stay firmly pressed against our sides. maybe we dont want to disapoint or let another person down, maybe we fear their arm wont rise. maybe we enjoy the fact those tiny lights have no faces we can act liuke they are just lights we dont have to share the burden of what ever decays their insides. maybe we find comfort in the fact we have no identity to soo mnay people. 60 billion lights we just wont let them guide us.
we are happy and saved for you to write poetry of heartbrake and disaster yet are outraged at moments and pictures of hope + love. shouldnt this give us hope and love?
" and when the sky is falling dont look outside the window"
xo
love...you saved me
your words fill my ears and cause me pain to hear, disguised amongst a paracetamol beat. my eyes leak your poetic tears as your insides are arranged in my heart. in the dark of the night, struggling to feel and understand.
the settings in a hotel room your arms are wrapped protectivly around me . stop. im making a cliche. yet my heart feels like its forming a cliche, quicker to fill a recognisable form than to experiment and fight my way to something risky and risque
your soaked on the outside, your insides are saturated. the merciless gray skies drizzling rain. brownish haze spiked with black forming trickling slow salty water. every passing day stomping out each icicle of hope yet a blow torch has run out of gas.
i watch you get the feet off the floor and the young bodies let loose and loose control outshadowed and so covered yet you have no shelter i dont thin youve met my eyes.
im cutting the freying tying rope but i slipped and sliced the saftey rope in this newly found high. im watching out for the hurtling stone.
to work for the feeling or to hope for some ignition <3
xo
the settings in a hotel room your arms are wrapped protectivly around me . stop. im making a cliche. yet my heart feels like its forming a cliche, quicker to fill a recognisable form than to experiment and fight my way to something risky and risque
your soaked on the outside, your insides are saturated. the merciless gray skies drizzling rain. brownish haze spiked with black forming trickling slow salty water. every passing day stomping out each icicle of hope yet a blow torch has run out of gas.
i watch you get the feet off the floor and the young bodies let loose and loose control outshadowed and so covered yet you have no shelter i dont thin youve met my eyes.
im cutting the freying tying rope but i slipped and sliced the saftey rope in this newly found high. im watching out for the hurtling stone.
to work for the feeling or to hope for some ignition <3
xo
apathy is just a temptation
and when you stumble and fall
boy you know i cant sleep
when your stuck down below
you pretend i dont care
try to blame yourself
what i know was your fault
and while i try to wipe tears
your sending back all the fear
and stamping out all my hope
and my friends with their guns
resting clutched behind bakcs
they will shake up the time
till it ends with a bang
and sends us crashing down
from that sugar high
cause we burnt all the starch
and scattered the ashes inside
that little box that i keep
to save my head from
combining with my heart
yeah i should shut my mouth
before i tangle my thoughts
and leave me dangling on
a piece of floating boat
wrecked to some rotten wood
and nothing to show
boy you know i cant sleep
when your stuck down below
you pretend i dont care
try to blame yourself
what i know was your fault
and while i try to wipe tears
your sending back all the fear
and stamping out all my hope
and my friends with their guns
resting clutched behind bakcs
they will shake up the time
till it ends with a bang
and sends us crashing down
from that sugar high
cause we burnt all the starch
and scattered the ashes inside
that little box that i keep
to save my head from
combining with my heart
yeah i should shut my mouth
before i tangle my thoughts
and leave me dangling on
a piece of floating boat
wrecked to some rotten wood
and nothing to show
tip our glasses to them
we mouth broken words
in the dark of the night
a smile on our faces
the relief of the beat
huming tunes to a headache
whilst our own hearts throb
the last and first life boat
when our hearts ache and tear
the anthems to our memories
and a map to the future
we sing ourselfs to sleep
grasping onto their dreams
tomorrows scattered hopes
of the modern day rescue team
we dont have to call a paramedic
the fire men are already here
their presence protects us
and links the world as they sleep
those bands who have saved so many lifes <3
xo
in the dark of the night
a smile on our faces
the relief of the beat
huming tunes to a headache
whilst our own hearts throb
the last and first life boat
when our hearts ache and tear
the anthems to our memories
and a map to the future
we sing ourselfs to sleep
grasping onto their dreams
tomorrows scattered hopes
of the modern day rescue team
we dont have to call a paramedic
the fire men are already here
their presence protects us
and links the world as they sleep
those bands who have saved so many lifes <3
xo
her dreams the perfection
hidden in his eyes
her only desperate dreams
to skip back the dark time
her confidence crushed
when he just didnt care
noone can be blamed
just her happiness blown away
the tears are gonna fall
on her pillow at 3 am
all she knows is him
and the days she needs to pass
what would it mean
if he never had forgot
how she felt in his arms
if he never did let go
of the hand he used to hold
she always will remember
her *imperfection* a reminder
asd she can feel his touch
shes dying to replicate
shed take back all the lies
if he wanted anything
fragile hearts are meant to shatter
who will listen if no one can hear
its this unbreaking romance
that was alwyas gonna end
she will let go
hidden in his eyes
her only desperate dreams
to skip back the dark time
her confidence crushed
when he just didnt care
noone can be blamed
just her happiness blown away
the tears are gonna fall
on her pillow at 3 am
all she knows is him
and the days she needs to pass
what would it mean
if he never had forgot
how she felt in his arms
if he never did let go
of the hand he used to hold
she always will remember
her *imperfection* a reminder
asd she can feel his touch
shes dying to replicate
shed take back all the lies
if he wanted anything
fragile hearts are meant to shatter
who will listen if no one can hear
its this unbreaking romance
that was alwyas gonna end
she will let go
can you taste the fear in her sweat
this really hurts too much i feel sick each time i breathe the pain flares. i guess i could change the song and try to smile i could draw i could refuse to let it take hold. i just want to be held i want to be held to feel safe to be kept held on. i want someone to hold me untill the pain stops and for it to hurt for them to see me in pain i am finding it harder to let go as each day passes the memories that had escaped the monotone yet neon glowing mind they were captured in. i cannot focus my vision to take hold or lift my feet to the next step
i miss lying on the hard scratchy floor content witht he world we had made. i miss the icy cold rain being repelled by the warmth of your hand i miss getting lost on your body blind to the world racing too fast around us causing the last moments to end sooner than you could hold my waist. i miss being engulfed in your arms when ever i coulf and also when i couldnt. i miss touching your hand as you cryed and your gratitude for my care. i miss laughing at your spectacles created for my entertainments. i miss my heartbeat racing as your testosterone took hold.
i cant take the way you left me i dont want to be lonly and feel empty i want to walk the street at night by your side with you smile
xo
i miss lying on the hard scratchy floor content witht he world we had made. i miss the icy cold rain being repelled by the warmth of your hand i miss getting lost on your body blind to the world racing too fast around us causing the last moments to end sooner than you could hold my waist. i miss being engulfed in your arms when ever i coulf and also when i couldnt. i miss touching your hand as you cryed and your gratitude for my care. i miss laughing at your spectacles created for my entertainments. i miss my heartbeat racing as your testosterone took hold.
i cant take the way you left me i dont want to be lonly and feel empty i want to walk the street at night by your side with you smile
xo
.......
hes moving rhymically locking her eyes
she hates how much she loves it
as she glances to her sleeping lovers face
in his deep sleep hes dreaming of her
and the tine and moves she learnt
she doesnt want to do this anymore
shes easy and meaningless just his whore
shes keeping secrets keeping rhythm
creeping and acting so apealing
while her loved one watches her picture
hes all alone, shes starting to moan
her breath tickled his sleepy eyelids
while she held him sending him to sleep
in the dark she finds that one last night
before crawling into bed experiencing more
shes poisoned by the though of his lips on hers
and keeping all the stealth away from him
modern day romance filled with the love
yeah complete story :S
she hates how much she loves it
as she glances to her sleeping lovers face
in his deep sleep hes dreaming of her
and the tine and moves she learnt
she doesnt want to do this anymore
shes easy and meaningless just his whore
shes keeping secrets keeping rhythm
creeping and acting so apealing
while her loved one watches her picture
hes all alone, shes starting to moan
her breath tickled his sleepy eyelids
while she held him sending him to sleep
in the dark she finds that one last night
before crawling into bed experiencing more
shes poisoned by the though of his lips on hers
and keeping all the stealth away from him
modern day romance filled with the love
yeah complete story :S
so maybe i hate him but i forgot why and remembered just the love. i have feelings for him. i want to shatter his heart but i want to watch the sun set on the small town with him. " its the way that he makes you cry its the way that he's in your mind its the way that he makes you fall in love". my friends are failing to make me feel okay, and its all i want. we can be ambitious unless your talking about love.
tonight lift my eyes make me smile let me feel. make me envy make me laugh make me cry. i am desperate to make sense of my feelingsor maybe just to feel. my own company is safest but when is it time to take a chance, and what happens if all the hand that reach out get chopped off? im cryin to clear my mind or fill it with construction and make it speak and charm. how can anyone belive what they read if they write there own lines that turn to lies within a few days
i think im less of an emergancy and more for a hospice or a 2 week long observation patient unpredictable and slightly unstable but i dont need work right now- just the acess to the icu if i need to be rushed away
i'm going to take the time to watch the sunset not out of my window but where i can feel the last few moments of warmth i could write this forever but i cant spend forever as they are pulling me away~ i dont want to speak these words
you make me smile
i fucking need you
xo
tonight lift my eyes make me smile let me feel. make me envy make me laugh make me cry. i am desperate to make sense of my feelingsor maybe just to feel. my own company is safest but when is it time to take a chance, and what happens if all the hand that reach out get chopped off? im cryin to clear my mind or fill it with construction and make it speak and charm. how can anyone belive what they read if they write there own lines that turn to lies within a few days
i think im less of an emergancy and more for a hospice or a 2 week long observation patient unpredictable and slightly unstable but i dont need work right now- just the acess to the icu if i need to be rushed away
i'm going to take the time to watch the sunset not out of my window but where i can feel the last few moments of warmth i could write this forever but i cant spend forever as they are pulling me away~ i dont want to speak these words
you make me smile
i fucking need you
xo
i feel shit and i dont really know why. its hard to express it when you feel like that cold windy rainy day. where you arnt strong enough to fight with the wind to say on your feet when the rain feels like tiny pebbles hitting your numb body. the pains competeting for space in your mind the clouds blocking the light casting a grey tint upon everything.im waiting but i dont know what for. it must be something or id be dead. the time seems to be taking one last kick when i'm down, running past before i could hold on and really live or dragging its heavy feet leaving me left in the wrong moments, making my mind go into every detail and keep me trapped unable to climb out and see above the never ending mist i'm lost in. its hard to write when its too hard to pick up the pen, when you want to hide from the world in your darkened room you want to let it spin by without you untill what your waiting for comes and holds you and puts the brakes.
what do you do when the person you tryed so hard to get over might want you back ebcause hes desperate oh and one problem hes with a girl who killed the relationship before they met eyes the next day, who happens to be the second of your best friends hes wanted, and she gets everything you want more.
a text can save the day. a song will save a life and the lyricist will save millions, a band can be commerical a face will save a second then kill an hour. a body will cure a week then fade away a heart & head will save a heart& head. a heart will secure a year a bottle will elad to twenty more [ oh and that medicine cupboard]. caner can save a relationship
what do you do when the person you tryed so hard to get over might want you back ebcause hes desperate oh and one problem hes with a girl who killed the relationship before they met eyes the next day, who happens to be the second of your best friends hes wanted, and she gets everything you want more.
a text can save the day. a song will save a life and the lyricist will save millions, a band can be commerical a face will save a second then kill an hour. a body will cure a week then fade away a heart & head will save a heart& head. a heart will secure a year a bottle will elad to twenty more [ oh and that medicine cupboard]. caner can save a relationship
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