disipline

does i bother you that i have given you the world
so that when your little fingertips run not so smoothly across its imperfect surface it creates nothing but pain
does it offend you that only the words can mean so much more
becuase your actions are left in the background icy cold and comparitively heartless
because we all know that if we are writing something, it has to mean everything. nothing ever means nothing.
today my dear the scene i want you to picture is inside one of those bridges connecting survace stations over motorways. this time dear its darkened inside and the sun is setting as a background to the grey tired people in their emotionless cars. their days have taken everything away. the one in the red car well her sister just got diagnosed with cancer, she'll get home and find out she was saving her pain meds.
the blue car there. yeah that one. well he's thinking of killing his boyfriend. just so he can escape.
i hear the whimper in your voice as you shaking vibrates through my body, breaking the peaceful flowing melody.i wont acknowledge your tears. it would be just a litttle too much dont you think. i'm still ridged staring blankly my mouth miming the words to the song your singing, every so often its breaking but i'm still silent. i can feel the beauty of this tragic mess. but we cant get indulgent and allow recognition now can we. like we have to resist a second fix.we have to hold back too keep us leveled with reality. now thoose orange clouds clash with the pink ones. and none of it really matches the blue sky. yet i can feel how thankful we are. how grateful. because its not fucking ordinary white. i am still sat upright. your leaning in to my body trying to mould yourself into any curves im not straightening out. pathetic but im not one to give out the pity not on this level anyway.

okay snap back. i'm rubbing small circles onto your hand, just to keep you off your feet, im praying it will work. alll the detatchment and hate i try to keep intact. im still hoping to fucking god this will work. you need something to save you dont you. fucking admit it. you already have babes.
sit down and listen to yourself whimper, hand shaking eyes glazing over with you willingness to grab hold of composure,
dothisonemoretime<3
xo