i'm not in love. and i guess i'm scared its not gonna happen. that whatever feelings i have for you wont grow, and i dont want to hurt you. or im scared i will begin to do something stupid. a common mistake like start to need you. then youll discover i'm nothing special. like the t shirt you only ever wear inside the house. and youll grow onto something new and ill feel the detatchment and try to move closer to glue it. i will fail and the glue will be ripped off and leave an open wound. either way unless my feelings change its gonna hurt me and maybe you as well. i have been searching for this for so long and now i feel so afraid. and im afraid to admit im afraid. maybe ill feel safer in your arms but i have to wait for that. and i dont want it to come too quick untill im sure i wont feel more alone. i need you to be my security. i want you to be open about your feelings because then i will get attacted and ill be the only one hurt. but right now im not feeling as vunerable and emotionaly declined as my first shot. and to be perfectly honest why should [ would ] you want me ... why would i be anything special ... im not physically appealing and emotionally and all that jazz im just as good as anyone else.
my fingers are crossed whilst i promsie the world to you
xo
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