the world feels like its dragging on so slowly your trapped in the times youd rather skip through. yet your rushing through everymoment sedated. youd rather feel nothing than let any feelings hurt you. youd rather skip everything important and miss out than let anything effect you. and to be perfectly honest you'll have one day where everythings right. your aware of the weather and how shit it is, how the wind is thrown at you and it sinks into your skin. how the air makes your eyes dry up and water all at the same time.your actually invincible. yet its the one time all week where you actually smile.and its voluntary, and you actually dont care about the things that have been circulating all around your conciousness, they just slip away... and everything is going so fast but your involved every second has so much depth and detail. but you loose the memories. one night youll miss that day and theres nothing you can truely hold onto. theres no commitment or any hints of promises. and when that night comes youll feel so alone. youll shake for hours. everything slows down. there are the people who used to comfort you, reassure you and even hold you and they make you wanna turn around and walk away and loose all composure. theres the ones who used to rely on you, to a certain extent, they distance themselfs so far away you have a huge void to think about unimportant mindless factors. and the ones who were guarenteed to make you smile, make you feel at home. they change so much your just an annoying old friend who doesnt want to be disrespectful. but maybe your the one whos changed.
but you feel so alone
"power corrupts ....aboslute power corrupts absoultly"
there will never be an answer. thats the one thing i can promise you. you might as well give up trying. {i might die for you, but that doesnt mean im gonna live for you}

you'll get off that train into a blank canvas. its not empty but its so clear, yet so distorted. they're still looking at you. but they are taking huge steps away.
they arent getting any smaller

this is the__________era
for real
xo

channel 7 at a quater to eight

with the white so blaring, and the music oh so calming... you'll always know how to cross that empty void. yet your so sunken down, sliced on the shards of his brittle heart. all the content is lost in a haze of paranoia and blurred vision.
as you walk out on that over dressed skylit scene, your dragging your hats and scarves and all the acessories of reverberating nightmares, the dreams you couldnt hold back from running after. chasing one insane phantasmagoric night .
your tears arent worth shit to you, taking everything for a one man battle truncated by your own eyeline.
goodgodletsbringthistoanend
)
xo

lateral thinking i guess

i think the thing thats always there is that they're always a fucking train wreck. a car crash. a burnt out engine on a plane. a sinking ship with no lifeboats. anything for fucking drama really. maybe my life lacks it so much that i cling onto anything and anyone thatgives me some dramatic distraction to focus on. im a sucker for drama, im a sucker for a sweet talker. anything so poetic...so tragic..so much poetic tragedie.
and for a few hours we both know that all we want is to be in someones arms, or to hold someone tight.threw those hours when then sky turns from blue to red to black. but society teaches us to fuck that and numb our beating hearts with sweat and rhymn.only a few are left with cadence from creativity
fucking decadence from the view from our bedroom window at 5 oclock in winter, west facing thankyouverymuch.fucking self indulgence from the deep contrast of a bonfire reflecting off of the glinting ocean onto the pitch black broken by sparkling stars.
suburbial sunrise onto lonely eyes.the one last fragement of hope left in the hearts of children and 'staying together for the kids' in the minds of their parents. dont give me that bullshit of 'the land of hope and glory' or 'the city of angels'. the smiles come from a fix of prozac,and painkillers to dullen a hangover. they look down at the discouraged faces of the suffering with hypocritical empathy. fuck that the camera always lies.
despondancy raging through the air sinking through the mouths and lungs of all that cling onto life.only to come out as faked words or half hearted songs.
you are the nation of manufactured bullshitters who over look what money cant buy. and that a low carb and high protein diet, isnt helping to save the world. the people who are supposed to be economically aware and competent spending money that could provide for a child for months on a dogs fucking collar. tell me you really care about stopping the wars or world peace. tell me that one fucking time.
its never going to leave me but its only haunting you. one more line to string together the minds of a nation. one more line to discourage the world. dont pretend that fear doesnt exist in your teenagers heart. dont suggest we arent angry for the things we used to support. dont even tell me one time that life wasnt better with naivety.
illneverfuckingletgo
honestly
xo

short cause i got to go

i know that somewhere, whereever you are your shaking and you cant stop. but why would you be able to stop, theres noone to look in your eyes and hold you tight enough to know its okay. i can just sense that there is no-one. and you know theres no point falling apart, because there'd be noone to put it bacxk together. no you're gonna wait till theres a saftey net with some sellotape, just to be sure it won't be the end. fuck knows why i know this, maybe its just the truth, i dont need to know why.
fuck that fucking lighter seriously ...that day you caught my eye and you never left my head, ive just been reminded
fucking be more accesable
it hurts a whole lot less
dont chase 12 year olds who are clinging on that the scene is gonna be better than the last. its not
god lets just make a new scene ...just me and you we'll start it. it will own
okay
dontletthefuckgo
xo

slow motion...

you'd better lie about anything that ever mattered to you because when you elt them know its like giving them your gun. no lie like no mother fucker know and tell them what you already have, thats blinding them. tell them the thing you have in abundance and is blocking space for real contentment.
secobnd chances are like giving someone the password to your defences. sleeping is for the living , insomnia is for the half dead- when you never shut your eyes you have made it to somewhere safe.sleeping is for the vunerable.
we need armour for sleep.
you'd pay for insanity. its a big conspiricy theory, hvaing your thoughts numbed is a bad thing. only because we'd all want it. we all hate life. it grows stronger with the loss of naiviety. so we just kill all other life.
over and out fuck face
yourtoowhoretocare
xo

more on myspace i guess:S

humm i realised i dont do well in present tense or whatever

i'm writing as far away from people as i know i can get. its my own place, i'm not gonna take you to it unless you're really special. its my own palce yet so many people pass through here. i'm constantly on edge just in case someone does come. i but llove it, its silent apart from the trickling water just inchese bellow my dangling feet. but i'm so scared of silence i block it out with my ipod. quietaphobe. i wont deny it. i came here to escape everyone but my fear shits me up so much i take my phone with me. yet i'll insist i am in my own world no-one knows where i am and youd have to be fucking speciall for me to take you here. and the thing i am most scared of when i tell a secret is the perosn wont actually care, because its making myself vunerable and that opened wall could stay open, broke for nothing. and it happens every fucking time.

god i fucking put myself out there just to be helped for one fucking night and you say you'll help but that is 10p of your time. you pretend you'll come back to help but you fucking never do. just tell me if you dont give a fuck. i'll find someone who really does in the end. i'll be my death but you didnt warn me about the bullets. no its not your fault but you never found out whose it was. dont go that far then walk home becuase its cold out. its always fucking cold out. its winter in manchester not summer in fucking vegas. and yeah i'm scared shit and not of you but you never rationalised me. oh but once you held me till i was breathing again. i saw the fear in your eyes but it was nothing to the aprehension in my head. 2nd person gets you nowher but flash backs and this shade of green is startng to look appealing (pen was green for the record). and my toes and arse are fucking numb but i dont care the friction of this pen is keeping me warm. ellis's fountain of knowledge. i dont wanna change back to safety like you. because what you do is so much more moral. at least im open to reality. your so life loving attitude its killing you inside, just like my ' i'm freinds with a stoner regime'. any song in the right setting with the right volume can be a lullabye as long as it has feeling. none of your manufactured shite. none of your lets fake it cause we're indie. the kdis are all fucked up every single one of them. so dont lie. right now i'm as invisible as i need to be and to be perfectly honest i couldnt remmeber hald the songs that have played into my ears the writinf has taken over and my spellings fucked and my hands are too munb for my handwriting to be consistant. i can probably see my primary school from here, ladies and gentlemen, if that hill wasnt in the way, but i wouldnt want to anyway. its just gone midday and i'm alreayd waiting for darkness to start creeping in. even here i cant escape the police sirens and over head helicopters fro my childhood dawnings that drop me in this societies reality. oh and here goes the acoustic one. however softly you sing the pains more apparent- they arent even your words. shame the guy with the emotion doesnt sound pretty. at least you dont look it. he fucking does. ive never met you but i spend my life with you. and just for the record the shaking is setting in. i have realised how much this sounds liek a goodbye( or an apology) but i can assure you its not. not that youd care. i pray it doesnt rain that would give me away and i know it. i dont wan that just yet. i would like you to know though not to come find me just to know but the look in my eyes or my tone of voice- my expression. and it must ahve been an hour and i'm not in your arms just to make that clear. rpetyt soon i'll get up. just not yet

notfuckingyet

xo