humm...<3

I guess im just addicted to something I am being forced to live without, its like if someone goes without heroine it hurts, well so does this. The issue is im not exactly sure what im addicted to so I cant get my hands on it. I know it has something to do with love, im sure im over him but I still want what we had and feel like soemthing is missing.
The thing is I have a lot of thoughts and not many of them get said to an actualy person, which means that a lot build up in my head which can get overwhelming. That si why I have to have some form of outlet for them. Even though I have so many people who would love to listen im sure and they would I know… I somehow feel that I cant most of the time so it usually ends up on myspace or on here or my art pad, or tears on the couch whilst watching scrubs.




Perhaps I just like to write things down because I read so many eloquent writers today and aspire to be the same. I really do wish that I could write lyrics and poetry, then hey id be a poet but everybody that’s read something ive wrote probably is just woundering why I even bothered to take the time to think of it and type it onto a keyboard. But I think that its more probable that I write these things down because they are already in my head so I need a non responsive outlet for all my thoughts because if I don’t let them out of my head they will stay there rotting like a banana lay on a windowsil for days. No-one wants either.
I regret too many things I do, yet i don’t learn from my mistakes and my apologies don’t rectify any of it. Thinking about it I should carry round a notebook or something so I can get the things out of my head.if I leave them there they grow and get worse but if I let them out it saves other people
I often want to get into other peoples heads to see the world the way they do. Is it possible that everyone sees things differently; literally and figurartivly. I am desperate to see if people think the same way I do and if their toughts are always with them and how they visualise things and hear things. Most of all I would like to see how people think about things.if I knew that I could be the cleverst person in the world as id be able to have everyones skills but then maybe their weaknesses would join mine and cancel out all of the skills. Maybe it would be a disaster, I wouldn’t turn away the opertunity though.
Is it possible to improve at things so much that you could have ‘natural’ talent for it or do you have to have the talent to begin with. Or maybe its both. But with religion you can change your vierws by having a way of thinking explained with you, your believes can be changed by an explaination. The things you are so sure of can change just when you gain more knowledge. Whern something you were sure you were certain of changes so quickly its an exciting yet unsetteling thing.
I wish I never had wished for something I never knew about. I guess its like the disney line ‘ be careful what you wish for’. Even small kids learn from a ‘saturated in unrealistic’ film the morals that I have to experience and move on from to realise. I have learnt more from music and other things I do in my lesure that things I learn anywhere else. At school they teach you things that although are important they forget the things that allow you to have a worthwhile life. So whats the meaning a life, hearts friends and maybe alittle hips if we get the chance.
I could sign off from this is so many ways but maybe im going to do it in the only important way
true belivers my heart is yours and only yours<3