<3

So maybe I hate him but I forgot why and remember the love. I have feeling for him. I want to shatter his heart but I want to watch the sun set on the small town with him." It’s the way that he makes you cry it’s the way that hes in your mind it’s the way that he makes you fall in love" my friends are failing to make me feel okay, and it all I want . we don’t exist in the great chain of being, we can be ambitious unless you mean love, tonight lift my eyes, make me smile, let me feel. Make me envy make me laugh make me cry. I am desperate to make sense of my feelings, or maybe just to feel. My own company is safest but when is it time to take a chance [ not a pill ((peter wentz))] im crying to clear my mind or fill it with construction and make it speak and charm eloquently. How can anyone believe what they read if they write their own lines that turn to lies within a few days. Back to sanity
For the dance show twill be paramore ‘ emergency dresses’. I think I’m less of an emergency and more for a hospice or a 2 week observational patient unpredictable and slightly unstable but I don’t need work right now. Just the acces to the ICU across the hall if I need to be rushed away.
I read my own words and wonder why I wrote them- why I needed to write them. I’m going to take the time to watch the sunset, not out of my window but where I can feel the last few moments of warmth. I could wriute this forever but I cant spend forever as they are pulling me away~ I don’t want to speak these words.
~ you make me smile
I fucking love need you
xo