chinese washer women chanting tokyo =]xo

writing for the first time from the sunlight looking with hindsight at the c.ds tied with the scars, i missed out the important values my head caughted on the barbed wire i analysed and ripped apart but cast away the photographs i took. searched for something profound tryed to build a bridge but i dropped a match. so look it up in that lyric book you keep so close to your heart and fall back onto the saftey [inter]net that ship has sunk but you never found out what it meant i found my way with the music and the true belivers. every broken heart has a fixer from the fixation

i never cared what the crictics said because thats all they are. im telling a hazy story in blotchy ink. words were never my strong point but my heart was and my memory the instinctive bullet. so now your hanging on for her but i was over when it started the laughter pulls my heart but when you took her hand i threw it away & you picked up that shotgun and put it on your own head.

myspace.com/tokyolaundry <

xo

some day a while back ...

somethings you can only learn from experience. You can read all the theory of a sport and you wouldnt be good the first time you actually played. you can be as sure as possible of a belief or a reaction to something but the truth is you will only really know when the ocassion comes. it applies alot to love. case A you may think you know what love is and everything about it or whether or not your in love or not but you don;t not untill the times comes. it can mess with alot like mistaking a friends for a lover a lvoer for someone your in love with. basically you amke mistakes and you learn from the experiences and "move along". maybe its what grown ups call growing up. case B you ahve cedrtain rules as a girl including the one thats alongs the lines of you cant steal your friends boy. well thats dumb becuase when do they officialy have ownership over the boy and its most likely to lead to noone having the boy. that aside no matter how much your moral value tells you you shouldn't and however much you knwo it would hurt them, which you don;t want to happen it hurts you even more and the human natural killer instinct tells you to keep yourself okay first. its like as my favoprite heartbreaker told me "you might say you could never kill anyone but if you were pushed enough or it was too save your life you would we think we are better but we are still animals andwe have that same instinct". case C everyone says they wont put up with any shit from the person they love.[ie cheating] when it comes to it they sit or lie in their rooms crying screaming on the inside of their heads "it was supposed to be fuckign perfect"tryign to blame themselves. the next day they will smile and act liek it never happened. experience has told me at least some broken hearts go into remission with intense treatment.
,£

to 'that guy'

i want to kiss you beneath the pier as the sun is going down, i want to text you lryuics and you write some and text them back to me, i want my hand to feel like something is missing cos you have held it for so long, i want to drive all night to no where singing to cds i want to look into your eyes and only see me. its only a wish and its turning into a dream and they dont have to be perfect<3

He doesn’t want to talk to you braindead mornons the ‘empathy’ is breaking the communications down shes pinning his heart to the floor the sweats dripping from his face, she’s forcing him to combine it with tears, keeping his hands on her so its left untouched she whispers painful lies he’s resisting another breath this is what hes got caught up in the aching he cant control the addiction to contradiction cant pull his head above water she promised him her world but she promised him that car too cant stop his rain from falling he came for a raincoat but he just got one of her own kind Hes falling faster than he can put his arm out unable to break and motionless

<3

So maybe I hate him but I forgot why and remember the love. I have feeling for him. I want to shatter his heart but I want to watch the sun set on the small town with him." It’s the way that he makes you cry it’s the way that hes in your mind it’s the way that he makes you fall in love" my friends are failing to make me feel okay, and it all I want . we don’t exist in the great chain of being, we can be ambitious unless you mean love, tonight lift my eyes, make me smile, let me feel. Make me envy make me laugh make me cry. I am desperate to make sense of my feelings, or maybe just to feel. My own company is safest but when is it time to take a chance [ not a pill ((peter wentz))] im crying to clear my mind or fill it with construction and make it speak and charm eloquently. How can anyone believe what they read if they write their own lines that turn to lies within a few days. Back to sanity
For the dance show twill be paramore ‘ emergency dresses’. I think I’m less of an emergency and more for a hospice or a 2 week observational patient unpredictable and slightly unstable but I don’t need work right now. Just the acces to the ICU across the hall if I need to be rushed away.
I read my own words and wonder why I wrote them- why I needed to write them. I’m going to take the time to watch the sunset, not out of my window but where I can feel the last few moments of warmth. I could wriute this forever but I cant spend forever as they are pulling me away~ I don’t want to speak these words.
~ you make me smile
I fucking love need you
xo

cos the porns shite <3

Why say you meant it
Now you thrown it like shite
The tragedy you laugh
What a contradiction
Did you say it all for me
Your clams of being deep
Incited me so you could
Brake another heart
Why fucking bother
Call up your whores
That’s all you dream of
The webcam romance
‘cos the porns got shite
picking them cos they easy
what a filthy dirty boy
your dicks better known
than your overrated face
oon spill your irony
shame its suck a let down
hip thrusting with spirits
selling out faster than
toys shops at christmas
you cheep horn boy
throw your ‘talent’ away
I couldn’t care less
You chucked me right out
Pitty about your sexy hair
All going right to waste
Your life is going straight
To an aldi checkout
And we did love to stare
Turned into your groupie
Sexing yourself up
That’s all your gonna get
Metamorphosised
Into the commercialism
Impressive big words ey
The nice guy you were
So inferior now, ol’ jimmy
Cos you trashed the room
Sorry your size slipped
Shouldn’t have got my
Heart beating and
sweat dripping

yeh<3

Sat on her bedroom floor
The tears falling thick
So confused misjudged
Fears the shout, the call
First come the words
Thrown quick with hate
Not a care of the pain
It will make her feel
Then the hand
Making it all so real
Powerless and trapped
No way out of his ‘care’
Scared of the truth
Reliving it everyday
Saddened by imperfection
Sorry she’s not enough
Shaking in her home
Burning deeper
Acid and venom
Cold murderous eyes
Death leaves it behind
We loved her, lies
End of a tragedy
Ending in disaster
True innocence dead
Result of his head
Tears too many shed

last moments<3

Lets wish our last moments are together
Clinging on to the hope it could still be forever
How can your feelings change this quick
I couldn’t help but think you needed me too
You said it was me who took it too far
But what did you hope would occur
Do you think I want to spend tonight
Imagining I am lay sensing your touch
You know who it feels, strumming your guitar

humm...<3

I guess im just addicted to something I am being forced to live without, its like if someone goes without heroine it hurts, well so does this. The issue is im not exactly sure what im addicted to so I cant get my hands on it. I know it has something to do with love, im sure im over him but I still want what we had and feel like soemthing is missing.
The thing is I have a lot of thoughts and not many of them get said to an actualy person, which means that a lot build up in my head which can get overwhelming. That si why I have to have some form of outlet for them. Even though I have so many people who would love to listen im sure and they would I know… I somehow feel that I cant most of the time so it usually ends up on myspace or on here or my art pad, or tears on the couch whilst watching scrubs.




Perhaps I just like to write things down because I read so many eloquent writers today and aspire to be the same. I really do wish that I could write lyrics and poetry, then hey id be a poet but everybody that’s read something ive wrote probably is just woundering why I even bothered to take the time to think of it and type it onto a keyboard. But I think that its more probable that I write these things down because they are already in my head so I need a non responsive outlet for all my thoughts because if I don’t let them out of my head they will stay there rotting like a banana lay on a windowsil for days. No-one wants either.
I regret too many things I do, yet i don’t learn from my mistakes and my apologies don’t rectify any of it. Thinking about it I should carry round a notebook or something so I can get the things out of my head.if I leave them there they grow and get worse but if I let them out it saves other people
I often want to get into other peoples heads to see the world the way they do. Is it possible that everyone sees things differently; literally and figurartivly. I am desperate to see if people think the same way I do and if their toughts are always with them and how they visualise things and hear things. Most of all I would like to see how people think about things.if I knew that I could be the cleverst person in the world as id be able to have everyones skills but then maybe their weaknesses would join mine and cancel out all of the skills. Maybe it would be a disaster, I wouldn’t turn away the opertunity though.
Is it possible to improve at things so much that you could have ‘natural’ talent for it or do you have to have the talent to begin with. Or maybe its both. But with religion you can change your vierws by having a way of thinking explained with you, your believes can be changed by an explaination. The things you are so sure of can change just when you gain more knowledge. Whern something you were sure you were certain of changes so quickly its an exciting yet unsetteling thing.
I wish I never had wished for something I never knew about. I guess its like the disney line ‘ be careful what you wish for’. Even small kids learn from a ‘saturated in unrealistic’ film the morals that I have to experience and move on from to realise. I have learnt more from music and other things I do in my lesure that things I learn anywhere else. At school they teach you things that although are important they forget the things that allow you to have a worthwhile life. So whats the meaning a life, hearts friends and maybe alittle hips if we get the chance.
I could sign off from this is so many ways but maybe im going to do it in the only important way
true belivers my heart is yours and only yours<3

<3

Trust me to fall for you
Just when your falling away
Cinderella was never me
You could have lost
Lost your breath
With my last kiss
Sitting on the bathroom floor
Remembering the things
All the little things you said
I’m not gonna die
All on my own
Just not with you
You tried your best to
Make me so jealous
But I was laughing
Memories of holding
Holding when you cried
And legs wrapped up
While we lay in dark
I just don’t forget
The moments like you
Doesn’t mean I’m yours
If I could you’d be back
You don’t feel the shivers
You crashed your own car
No more speeding heartbeat
No more tasting the sweat
No more sucker for your hair
No more breath on your neck
No more pity in my eyes
No more watching me die
Your head got stuck
Way back in the front door
I wont spend time missing you
Your not all that big you know
The self love is delusional
It’s gonna be your only love
Baby you drowned yourself
All I did was fall too fast, too late
We done the fireworks and fairytales
love was just not enough but too much
how hard is it for you to say whoa
it’s the last time I can say no

city lights and rain covers body heat <3

I want to sit on the curb in the rain and feel safer than on my own in my room. I want to feel your body heat and see the moons reflection in your eyes. I want to cry for you and save you whilst holding you untill we both fall asleep. I want to sense the warmth of the sun and laugh untill everything else falls behind or spins ahead. I want you to refuse to let go whilst taking my problems away with eloquent speech. I want your heartbeats to race in time and never turn away. I'm nostalgic for the days when we tasted the same, for the times when we ran in the rain and we got so wet you dipped your hair the the puddle, when you'd play your guitar and care i was watching. you took the time to entertain me in form. I even desperatly want to do the times when you took care of me when my heart was shattered [and my eyesight was blurred]. i hurt you but you didn't want me to die. i ahve withdrawal symptoms fromw hen we'd both get off just being together."since when are you ryan ross"=]. now " i want it to be me and you forever" seems like a mistake from an overdose of body contact and city adrenalin. A teenage exageration because it felt/was/alot/like love [delete where apropriate].
xo