i may ask for a refund on predeterminism

the fact si. tis not that you were special. the idea of you is special. really you're just someone trying to be that idea. anyone can try to be an idea. in fact everyuone tries to be an idea. but i fell in love with that idea. i remember how when i got sadwe were past asking what it was about. we were past believing any lies. you cant fake the same lies that they tried last week. even when its dark and you feel weak. you cant sleep so you play music soft enough not too keep you awake, but strong enough to push away you're mind. who says this is perfection, everything is just an object made from atoms made from different numbers of electrons. whose to say something is perfect. whose to say we are insane. maybe you're insane. maybe it doesnt exist. maybe nothing really exists. maybe that would be perfection. i you cant reach the final idea in one direction why dont you turn around and go for the exact opposite. theres always soemthing to be sad about, if you're happy 90% of the time thereas always that 10% you cant have a eprcentage of 0.you said we are different because we notice the things that arent perfect, we notice mroe than beauty and love. well what if we can find beauty in the things that are so far gone. maybe that makes us better. ive learnt never to ask someone what is wrong with them. they either dont want to tell you, or you're just going to disapoint them. the msot comforting thought is that your're going to be okay. but then what. youre not going to be okay. the perfect people, they find some way to destruct, if you cant improve youve got to destruct. maybe we should ignore the drug adicts and the homeless and watch the young children growing up in stable homes, which enough money and go to school smiling. everyones supposed to learn from their mistakes, so why should we bother stopping them. if you dont remember what it was like to be in love, how do you know you were. if you dont remember what it was like to spend all night shaking, with your mind constantly replaying , maybe thats why we arent careful, maybe thats why we still believe in the concept of love. to love is for things to hrut that little bit more. and you thought sex was bad. if someoen makes you happy, they can make you sad, if someone can save you, well they are responsible for your life. do you really want to answer that phone call. do you really want to ring them in the first place. and after all this. after all the emotions, after all the pain, you're just one person out of 6 billion. how nice. how humbling, how insignificant. why lie. if you hurt10 people theres stll 6 billion more. we're over populated anyway. and at the end of all of this i dont mean it. i thought i would tell mel but mel and all my mother friends is in the county jail something that hurts you well someone else wont care. and if you cna get enough people to care its only going to last 60 more years. nothing is the end of the world. and if it is why does it matter