this is me saying i give up
i know i've lost any control
this is me screaming
because i know im fucking scared
this is me singing
because i dont know what else to do
this is me loosing faith
because i cant get through..

lets hope this is the fucking end of everything
xo

we're covering something that i fail to breathe out
and the sweat that flows, cafeen through my veins
paradoxical sleepless nights
thinking way too fast to break out
nickle fast, open lips, looks that last
dreams filled with non pretense
such theraputic receeding hands
that meet with searching eyes
one beating smile, bang me blink
to feel this part of a tilted road
today we will try
and not just to fake that fucking posture
xo

this is going to be a fairytale for the tainted

i hope <3

closer

we walk confidently into the room
head up eyes down. the slightestflashes of faltering confidence
oh weighed down, unbreakable heart
just a tinge of a smirk of the past
keep your tears in, mouth faking smiles
and i promise you a drink
striding thighs, pick up your feet
squeezing fists, bone white knuckles
and an ever so pouting mouth
painted face, draw over restless eyes
to create the illusion of animation

i have a new option for you
you dont have to feel this way ever again
this new special bonus offer
it doesnt cut away all your emotions
keep what you want
just tick this box
on one condition.
this is the catch
you have to throw away your newly found buzz of unreality
the picrure perfect glamorous lifestyle
its paper thin baby
you love the attention
and i'm not gonna lie we all do
my little attention whore
do you want a trashy day-time saviour
?

xo

taintedlove

<3

doesnt this spin make a prettier picture?

you won't meet my eyess will you?
not that i've tried
and its not quite strobe lighting
and its not dark enough to hide faces
but its not a trick of a light we have no imperfections
its the difference between a photograph and an image
messes of cheekbones and outlined figured
synched and drawn and painted
the difference between film and catwalks
now no-one knows where we are
only so many people have seen
the royalties of contradiction
over discarded t shirts, and soaked lipgloss
i dont ask you to smile


may i thank you for being the only difference between detatched beating and anxiety

be fucking careful babydoll. you might be heading towards insanity

just a little overdone perhaps
but once again we'll see someone in a dark room
andits not our fault we are texting them as we are sleeping
it is kind of addictive
it might be a little fast moving
but when your best friends are so displayed
a silent boy, lost in his own flying fantasies
another crushed by calamity and 11 o clock goals
and the front of this attack on smiling face
its not quite infidelity
but its touching on total internal devestation
and you catch an eye, bite a lip, mouth a lyric
playing childhood games to pass the time
hands are banging, bodies jerking just in time
for this moment you can imagine
friend lead introductions
humour as ice breakers
swaying hips in time to the boys
the ones you'll leave with a smile and nod
but its only for a night?
back at home with late night tv
ears ringing, phones vibrating ?
tonight for once you'll fight sleep
instead of the struggle to grasp it
be very fucking careful babydoll
you might be heading towards santiy
xo

baby your eyes made me fall in love
with the most chemical shade of green
but i know when you come crashing down
it will be a push over the edge
of that metal fence i sat on
looking out at the darkened day
and the sparkling light
if i stay clinging on
you'll remain somewhere deep inside
your in my dreams
i tried to watch you sleep
i tried to copy your serenity
but i just got shallow breathing
carefull to keep my eyes tight
to catch the saline drip
funneling out from tear ducts
goodbye
you will be missed
xo

okay quiet...

infactuation
the word of the week
the word of the world
give me infactuation shallowly for apperance and the ever so cliched composure
give me infactuation for night skys and rain kisses
give me mental social psychological infactuation

the truth is, no matter what improvements you make the minute you drop your guard, close your eyes, drop that hand we're all gonna relapse or follow a new self medication
fuck this
or maybe thats just another
and what exactly is what we are aiming for?
how do you make someone better if their idea of okay if so fucked, its so far away from normality you could be spending your thinking atb a petrol station thinking your looking at the moon
how do you restore someone when your not sure what the goal is?
something so safe yet it corrodes your insides and outs.
babe your not gonna tell all your friends because one you want to protect and the rest you just dont want the quetsioning looks. it scares me.

tonight by the fuzzy glow of a cigaret and the heat of a lighter. possiblility strikes my mind. and the smoke you hold in your hand whats stopping me from taking it, everythings gotta end someday.
death could be everyones saviour.
gather round children i have something to tell you. something to sell you.
this is the new incredable miricle cure
it heals everything boys and girls,
at less than 20£s a go you'll be left with no symptoms.
it comes in many options
just find something to suit you
and a special offer today folks
heres a bottle of vodka
to assist our fabulous product
ladies and gentlement
for 9.99 i offer yoiu and end to your pain and misery
instantanious erradication of anything you've got
boys and girls i give you death


xoo

james i made you a song kinda...not this

the day she first met his eyes
the second their fingers claspsed
through the pain soaked protective gloves
she felt a pang of euphoria
and from the steel gray intensity she felt more than madeness
a love so unrequited she felt more than misery
now a little knockback hes slipping
over the edge shes taking to erradicate feeling
sunsets and fireflys
today, oh today my love
we may feel a little something
what our mothers cried about in films
our fathers pretended didnt exist
the schoolground rumours
emotion hideen tightly in a wealth of infidelity
her eyes are covered, smoked just too take away the light
cause it burns a hole in her safety
anything for absolute nothing
every emotion for anesthetics
today your not gonna be alone
but tonight your alone and gone

pleaseiloveyou
xo

dude

my radiator is turned up way too high
i can taste orange in my mouth
and yeah that tune it reminds me of summer, and theother well it reminds me off her
in this room
back to the days when it was all okay
when laughter and infactuation filled my mind
and its all so fucking simple
yet its what makes me know its okay
we only get this fucking shot why spend our time wishing for things. god im gonna fix everything
right now i know its going to be okay
it is
love exists
aliens may even exist, but you know what the world coudl blow up and it would be okay becuase life goers on and if it doesnt then your not gonna know
we are strong
we can do this
i fucking lvoe you all
dude if your love unreequieted yeah iuts frustrating but its gonna be okay
that just reminded me of it al
and right nowe i can actually see the colours in my room
sad songs, sweet lyrics and acosutic guiytar its okay
but dont get too involved in the sadness
blakcs fine and dandy
but its not even skin deep
god everything feels fine
and its ten o clock
maybe i will sleep rihgt tonight
maybe i wont
who gives a fucking fuck
xo

what if everyone feels the exacct same pain, but some people can just deal with itwhat if everyone is depressed or euphoric but some people are just strongerthen the weak just dont wish to be strong?and if i cant breathe, theres nothing to set a pace off of itbreathe with melisten to my heartbeatfeel my pulseall the vital signs nothing to compare and replicatewould you rather detatch yourself from everything and have nothing including no sorrowor suffer to have anythingself medication- oh too common amoungst thoose who lack the anethesis of scar tissuesarcasm off thoose who cant tell the truthif the brain creates what we feel cant it undo it?and this time as your sat under that very same tree...well the trees over grown the leaves all collected at the base in a soggy muddy mess. theres fire licking the outside of your skin, yet youve become such a carcass that the heat doesnt make you look away from your feetyouve yet to learn our cathartic guilty pleasuresyou put more and more and more itno your mind and body the opposite of a malnurished state. you rot from the indulgence of missfortune. not the lack of fullfillment.now lets re set thew scenethis time we're on a hilltop/ cliffface any point fo life or death. you can see death yet escape to keep going. this time we're together im not simply seeing you.we sit so close yet not touching in the same way that our feet are dangleing over into death, yet the danger is even more.the certaintly of death or a touch sparking eternal attacthment.the wind only adds to the danger becuase if it picks up it could throw us over the edge. in a similar way to a note that is lying unead in your back pocket. you discover it now , before im gone forever and it wi,ll push us into attatchmentand if we did die...but together it wouldnt be so bad. neither of us would even know.your dirty black car is only a few meters away from our spot. i lie back trying to ignore my irregular beating.'i dare you' i said a sparkle in my eye.'we dont even care'


i migth stop posting here i have a livejournal instead
xo

ahh ive run out

dont fucking cry dont you dare
ive said this before but its the most we can do
you can hear the same choking in your voice that i can feel in my throat
as we bite our lips and look up or down
in any fucking direction
to submerse ourselfs in restrain
deepen the shakes
forget the fact we cant breathe
its this shattering competition
holding out for something we both want
just to be the one not to cave, like drinking games, like sex
you know the silence means more than chocking sobs
heres to two thousand and eight being so much more
the feeling of just being content
heres to 2008 being the year that something gives us strength
or takes away our cowardice, to end it all
no matter what happens this has got to end
and in this very second our eyes meet
and in the next they're no longer dry
and our bodies are reciving delayed aches
we sink down opposite yet so adjacent walls
heads leaning back
we take in a deep breath that feels like poison
5,4,3 we're waiting for a signal
2... we searching for the evidence
1...we get up and walk away. into a corridoor so dark yet so familiar
and we can see i distant scene playing just below room volume
theres similing faces mocking our fright of blinking
yet theres a hint of bitterness of whats yet to come
but we know its in our mind
this corridoors no movie theatre
its the mind we know only to let sift away
idontwantthis
xo

whoa whoa whoa

back up back up
the sound effects got my head spinning
heart jumping as the record skips
attraction to the most filthiest whore
and oh look the boys got himself a lovah
and the last boy she kissed
it was definatly on the lips
only he was currently risiding with a boy
oh shes drunk and sleeping alongside her friend
the lights perfecting the imperfect
babe its all all haze of a headache of lust
her eyes yeah theyve lost their spark
she moves with a grace of swaying hips
licking lips and darting eyes
oh she cant resist
the boy she got down to last night
yeah the one sleeping by another mans side
he cant see for the sight of long locks
and a certain smashed culture ..oh intellegence
the floors vibrating sending pulses down his [ohh]
romancing him with a grinding beat
the rythmical stripping, drunken flashes
wasted, not the only thing thrown away
intoxicated and inebriated 'but i didnt know'
black outs and power cuts, stumble...
oh down into that ready made bed
and for him the pain was just to much
'oh mmm your much tighter than my last'
the tears and physical pain anymore
holding on till the sharpening edge
ever closerr....

that girl she took me home last night
my boyfriend must have given her quite the fright
cause he was sucking off another bloke
but hes my lovah
and shes another
xo