nothings changed...well not really, not deep down, not to the people who matter, the people who matter havent. what matters hasnt.
i miss the things that i never appriciated, the people i never told i cared about.
i miss sleepless nights and i love sleeping in clothes...dont ask why
i miss manchester, and how i feel on overly large planes where you can feel alone at that height above spread out citys and dazzling lights.
i might have said that before.i hate manchester now, and airports make me feel alone.
i miss how i've got a dark alley made me cry and lying is the most fun. i need to feel that again.
i want to visit too many places, but i havent seen enough in my hometown.i miss darkness with streetlights invading it, and the heavy feeling of rain running on me and splashing down onto the ground.
i miss new friends and i hate meeting new people.
i miss watching big brother and drinking coffee like a middle aged women
i'm already missing the student pantry=]

now i'm sat alone in my darkened room with the only light coming from my computer screen and my ipod in the speakers playing music from my computer, and those veyr same streetlights i see every night im in my room. i do lvoie to stare at.
i miss so much. of how things used to be i really do. theres one eprson who could remind me but. but its not ghoing to happen everyones changed on the outside at least. i miss the old obsessions and feelings and security. i hate the way things are now. i can only escape it with a few minutes. things have gone from laughing on the kitchen floor to sitting in a silence with so much tension its unbearable. from making an attempt and testing boundaries to running away from the underlying problems and the river of confusion that is running to fast masking everything that is the truth in the relaitonships. just give me one fucking weekend. or one fucking night. to relive it. thats all i need
fucking realise please.

ifuckingmissthis
xo
fuckyou. no really

suck my fuck

i'm actually sleeping , last night. and i hope i do tonight.
i'm happy. and its down to a few people. they are amazing. its fucking fascinating how if you take me out of the city with a group of people and give me a tray full of tiny insects to identify, i'll enjoy it. i won't lie.
on a long coach journey i start to think. about how much choice we have and how that creates dislikes and likes, and how when i have nothing else a mayfly will excite me.
seriously i'm fucking gfrateful for what some peoplehave done for me.
and now i'll return
ifuckingmissyou
xo

fuck

Turn my mike up louder I got to say something
Light weights step to the side when we come in
Feel it in your chest the syllables get pumping
People on the street they panic and start running
Words on loose leaf sheet complete coming
I jump in my mind and summon the rhyme, I'm dumping
Healing the blind I promise to let the sun in
Sick of the dark ways we march to the drum and
Jump when they tell us that they wanna see jumping
Fuck that I wanna see some fists pumping
Risk something, take back what's yours
Say something that you know they might attack you for
Cause I'm sick of being treated like I have before
Like it's stupid standing for what I'm standing fo
rLike this war's really just a different brand of war
Like it doesn't cater the rich and abandon poor
Like they understand you in the back of the jet
When you can't put gas in your tank
These fuckers are laughing their way to the bank and cashing the check
Asking you to have compassion and have some respect
For a leader so nervous in an obvious way
Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay
And the rest of the world watching at the end of the day
In their living room laughing like "what did he say?"
AmenAmenAmenAmenAmen
In my living room watching but I am not laughing
Cause when it gets tense I know what might happen
World is cold the bold men take action
Have to react or get blown into fractions
Ten years old it's something to see
Another kid my age drug under a jeep
Taken and bound and found later under a tree
I wonder if he had thought the next one could be me
Do you see the soldiers they're out today
They brush the dust from bullet proof vests away
It's ironic at times like this you pray
But a bomb blew the mosque up yesterday
There's bombs in the buses, bikes, roads
Inside your market, your shops, your clothes
My dad he's got a lot of fear I know
But enough pride inside not to let that show
My brother had a book he would hold with pride
A little red cover with a broken spine
On the back, he hand-wrote a quote inside
When the rich wage war it's the poor who die
Meanwhile, the leader just talks away
Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay
And the rest of the world watching at the end of the day
both scared and angry like "what did he say?"
AmenAmenAmenAmenAmen
With hands held high into a sky so blue
As the ocean opens up to swallow you
With hands held high into a sky so blue
As the ocean opens up to swallow you
With hands held high into a sky so blue
As the ocean opens up to swallow you
With hands held high into a sky so blue
As the ocean opens up to swallow you
With hands held high into a sky so blue
As the ocean opens up to swallow you
With hands held high into a sky so blue
As the ocean opens up to swallow you
-hands held high~linkin park

is it wrong to feel so unhappy.
it is so bad to only feel safe when your sat alone where noone can see or hear you by a stream. where you can see and feel and hear everything
only if you want to
xo

creativity and cadence

heres the story, i'm just a little dedicated to your picture and your heart job,breathe, break, not leaving you in that starry town. to decay in candle light. i'll be your harlequen 'cause lets face it pretty lights and elaborate makeup keep you quiet. like smoke to the lungs, a pretty shade of jade. brightly enticing and destructive. you think your better smiling and show casing~ think your perfect laughing like caberrette.
deep purple nights. broken bottles carry me awya drifting...to your arms, pulling you by your hand. search me out for one stolen moment.
pretty faces, big mistakes, theres a reason for breathing deeply. cadence and fingerclicks you'll see the shining of their faces. if its a dream its not a lie.
"don't tell me i'm dreaming"
xo

bang

shut the fuck up
you lost
to an entirity of intoxity. of slander and lies. another night to hide. the cold is seeping in, your eyes are too open. you cant think of holding on just to rpety of black and grey
but you cant walk away tomorrow night. theyre at your fucking door. connect you to materialism and times you wanted more.
hes fucking beautiful~ reckless memory.
reach out~ dont let go
you fumbled at the battle or the fist or the line. fuck, body heat and close up eyes negate tonight. promiximity the fucking lifeboat underneath the lit nerth west streetlight. dancing in the chocking ashes. dreams of mid west and nevada. a night away from lights, where stars reflect in your eyes. four more years mixed with souless fights
tfl
xo

the kids are all fucked up

i really don't wanna sleep alone tonight. or ever again. but i lack the freedom and fullfillment that gets me out of my mind. i'm stuck in imagination that forces reality out of anything worth keeping. its a quiet thing that never leaves my head. and the sad songs feel pathetic, yet it replaces getting off or out. i dont have any eyes to look away from. or any arms to miss falling into.and i'm fucking jealous of the person who has someone they wait weeks to see. who has no credit because they have to text for contact. or the kid who gets bullshit from the parents of the one she loves. because they have something

fuck,iloveyou
xo