please pay attention, look!
watch what is going on around you, to the people you care about. what are they doing, what are they saying, why?
if you listened, if you understood, i'd be better by now
but im drowing still
relentlessly after six fucking years
it's so ingrained

I fucking hate you. But I love you

love is a shadow, how you lie and cry after it

you pulled me out if the dark and now it's light

Please don't leave me now I'm better

all i know is i love you too much to leave you.







but i want to, desperately

You hurt me so much you cut through the seretonin that is filling my brain.

You said it's just one day after another. You just have to get through one day. And make the next one worthwhile.
But it's not one day. It's one continuous movement screaming for what you need. I need your flesh on mine. I need to feel you

paranoia

i am without love
you're there, fleeting and thin
holding and folding
you're touching me
brushing
past
and flowing flowing
alone
i'm drunk, and scared
fushion and confusion
pain and pills
i miss your warmth
i miss the way you'd stroke my back absently
absentee
i miss how you'd look at me
and want me
i miss how it was good

I feel like I'm hurtling through space being flung around from place to place,empty. I'm not going home. Home is where you fuck me; feeling closer to life than anything. Where I feel. And everything is golden and shines, it's blurry and fast and safe. Yopure where the bleakness ends, but where it starts.

i have been abandoned
the colour slowly dissolves
and filter and fade
you stole the spark
the fire and burning
now i fall into a mould
of slate, black hard
cancerous cunt

'But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.'

'You are the one solid spaces stand upon, envious'

i want to touch you

the rain covers the dispersion of your smell
i know if it makes a month i won't be left to cry
you cant hide from what i'm trying to say
because its held in the image you gave me

the power of the potency of the past, is contricting me. i know what i felt, what i knew, the thoughts that slashed my mind at 4 in the morning when all they were surroun ded by were the thick density of foggy mass. the slight variations between numbness and nothingness and nothingness and normality. we all want to feel nnothing or feel numb or to feel normal, but we never want to feel nothing or feel numb or to feel normal. the depth and complexity wraps over the normality binding in a knot over my eyes. it prevents my from the power of observation. i have nothing new to write but the continual destruction and decandence we witness before. the numbness, the nothingness the normality is the blindness. . and suddenly after a day of tragic tales i start to notice. i can see. in the moment i stop thinking about whats gone and begin to witness it comes back.
you use your attitude as an excuse. dont judge me because it's in my nature. it's my attitude i cantt help it. well genius is often drawn from insanity. and every tragic boy sitting in a desolate corner. thursting the story of your despondancy to everyone and anyone. well some miracle doess't come along to every single one and save them till they keep blaming their nature untill their death

i met a girl who once
confessed her secrets to a fool
who'd made all the same mistakes this afternoon
but kept them burried under the moon
she spat out her troubles like red wine
never let her life start to shine
kept it polished with vinagerette
dipped in coffee sealed by the fire
burnt her mouth when it all came out
that she loved him in the showwer

will you come and read to me soon i can't see a thing

just ring me on your drunken walk home
tell me that you scared and need me tonight
your feeling scared, and your eyes are watering
because the worlds been hurting you,
and your skins been feeling too soft
because the worlds sharp to me too
and i dont believe in any more sleep
the cold rain and falling mushy leaves
will calm me down, and chill my skin
preserving the bones and the love
my eyes are too open i've noticed to much
but the worlds been skipping by
flinging me off, letting me flail
the months passed too quickly
my bodies filled with caffeine and alcohol
i swore i'd never end up the way
that my parents had shown me in their
boring office jobs
intoxicating their minds with legality
just to break to dull and numb
just for some action
to feel
to love

three nights ago i slept in my memory imprinted sheets
soaked in fear and complacement and longing
you talk, your recycled breath filling my mouth with a bitter taste
we stumbled about searching for affection, craving to be loved
learnign about attention,
i want my sheets to be soaked in your sweat
my lips swollen and my throat sore
my wrists bruised
fucking violate me
the worlds hanging on the brink of war, violence, and ocnfusion
make me feel safe, by ripping away all my security
everythign that i hold onto take away
it takes some effort to truely decomposed
to be left as nothing, to find yourself you've got to loose everything
you are everyhting, you are nothing, you to me are an idea
i see what you mean to be, not what you are
i see you lying on my bed
i see you shaking
ill suck the acid from your teeth
ill drink from you, ill feed myself form anything but your emotions
we dont exist anymore
i cant feel you anymore
so blinded and so empty and so pushed together